Summer Movie Breakdown: June
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Out of the Shadows
Call this the guilty pleasure of the year for a Turtles fan. Is this a well-written movie? No. Is this a well-acted movie? Definitely not. Is this a much needed improvement upon its 2014 original? By a landslide. In the Michael Bay produced Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, there are no signs that any person who made the movie has any knowledge about the classic foursome of reptiles, much less actually ever laid eyes on them. Thankfully, there is a ton of fan service and an overall improvement on the monstrous CGI Shreks that are this generation’s Turtles. It is a raucous and inane flick, but at least the filmmakers stopped trying to be serious with such a ridiculous premise. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Out of the Shadows is no award-winner, but it at least was able to distract me enough with its nostalgia to leave the theater relatively happy.
Rating: C for credit this film for giving Vanilla Ice a comeback
Popstar: Never Stop Never Stopping
Despite the fact that Popstar has ultimately disappeared from theaters since its opening weekend, there is no denying that this is a hilarious time and a fascinating concept. Andy Samberg and his Lonely Island buddies present a mockumentary that essentially parallels the life of pop stars (most notably Justin Bieber). The brilliance in this is that it does almost nothing to hide from exactly who it is targeting, but somehow manages to shed light on an industry that is becoming more depressingly absurd by the minute. The parody soundtrack is not far off from what current musicians call music and the erratic behavior by the main character is relevant and eye-opening at times. This is proof that even an idiotic subject such as this can carry enough weight in society to make it substantial if there is effort put into it.
Rating: A for Andy Samberg continues to be the comedian this world needs
The Conjuring 2
The first Conjuring film is one that, in my opinion, is creepy, but never really delivers on the scares the way it could. The second one is more or less the same, just slightly more silly. The writing is noticeably lacking and there are some effects that will have a few people raising their eyebrows in confusion, but the direction is mostly good, and even great in parts. If the worst thing that a horror movie can do is just barely miss out on its potential, then this one is acceptable by most standards. It is interesting from start to finish and the engaging performances from almost everyone make most shortcomings almost impossible to conjure.
Rating: B for Tim Burton had something to do with this, didn’t he?
Warcraft
As someone who has literally no knowledge of the Warcraft universe, it was at times hard to understand the importance of this film. It has some of the better visual effects I have seen in the last few years, and it has the potential to set up an extended movie world of orcs and such that could be original and exciting, but there is an issue that cannot be ignored. Warcraft is split almost entirely between humans and orcs, and the problem is that exactly half (maybe more) of the runtime is spent with the former, who prove to be almost painfully dreary. Every time a human was on screen, I found myself nearly begging for another scene of Toby Kebbel’s impressive motion captured orc. The majority of the main characters make the movie itself almost entirely forgettable. The technical aspects and universe-building of the film make it almost worth the lack of emotional presence, but it just barely falls flat in the end.
Rating: C for could use more CGI orcs and less robotic characters
Finding Dory
Finding Dory is definitely the surprise of the summer. Sequels to beloved childhood masterpieces are always cause for weariness, but this time, that weariness was replaced with relief. The animation, the premise and the characters all hold up to the standards set by the original. I found myself laughing out loud on multiple occasions, but not without the classic Pixar sob story to break my heart repeatedly. Dory is now not just a comedic sidekick, but a well-fleshed out fish with a story to swim to. There are even a couple of sea lions and an octopus that might give Bruce and the sharks a run for their money. It is an extremely sweet tale with an obvious amount of effort and intelligence put into it.
Rating: A+ for animated classic that once again proves Idris Elba should be a permanent voice actor
Independence Day: Resurgence
Poor, poor Jeff Goldblum, how did you get dragged into this mess? As one of the most disappointing and, in retrospect, unnecessary sequels of all time, Independence Day: Resurgence is almost bad enough to tarnish the reputation of its predecessor. How do the special effects get worse after twenty years? How does a new cast of lifeless performances find itself taking precedence over the original characters? Was the paycheck worth it for the actors who did return? (Will Smith might have made the right choice in staying out of this one.) This is unfortunately a boring, soulless film, and is a sad example of a lack of creativity and heart within Hollywood. If you liked the first Independence Day or even just enjoy stupid action flicks, I would still stay away from this movie at all costs.
Rating: F for free Jeff Goldblum from this oppression
The Shallows
Why do any other shark movies other than Jaws even have to exist? The short answer is: they do not. If there was anything interesting about a woman sitting on a rock for an hour and a half, The Shallows could not find it. This movie aims to have a gritty tone while spending a good portion of its duration drowning its viewers with poppy beach music and GoPro surfing montages. The shark is borderline SyFy-channel-worthy in the way that it has an unbelievable desire to stalk one person who disappears from its sight for hours at a time. Suspending the disbelief makes sense when a film’s premise involves someone being stuck no more than a few hundred feet from shore, but the execution is very misguided and sloppy. One word to sum up this film is: unnecessary.
Rating: D for Dear Chief Brody, can you please save Amity from this horror?
